Relationships come in all flavors of #intentional or #unintentional agreement that may involve behaviors of #independence, #codependence, or #interdependence. The fulfillment and security within a #relationship requires acknowledgment of what we have agreed to by learning the other through shared experience and the roles each
naturally default into. The hunt for fulfillment and security in connection also includes the continued agreements for what each values, what they want to continue sharing, and intend to create with one another. A #relationship between two people may ask many things of each individual throughout the course of #relating, #building, maintaining, and #healing a bond. If both individuals value the #connection equally and carry the intention to nurture a sense of #loyalty, #trust, and deeper #understanding of one another, the bond thrives. When there is a perceived imbalance in the exchange that creates #conflict, each individual's #devotion to #harmony within the relationship is called upon to show effort and find mutual understanding that strengthens their devotion and sense of unity in connection. Throughout the maturation process of relationship cohesion, #PowerStruggles for #autonomy and desire for #ActsOfDevotion will arise to challenge and refine every individual's way of sharing and co-creating that simultaneously honors the authentic self and the soul of relationship. The closer we each become to defining our own #authenticity, the more important the balance in our #RelationshipAgreements becomes.
The logos of #InterdependentRelationship looms in the heart of the authentic self, calling for healthy boundaries, agreements for exchange, and a sense of fulfilled acknowledgment for the gifts we all have to share that enable connection with other. Reaching interdependence requires clarity of mind, #acknowledgment of the heart's emotions, and #witnessing the soul of relationship that inspires both individuals into co-creating devotion with one another. This is relevant to #friends, #family, #lover, and #partner relationships. It may also be found in business relationships with more or less emotional involvement, depending on the individuals and their accepted roles within a professional framework. Interdependence is exhibited and achieved by #MindfulAwareness of self, other, and the relationship. Through #MutualConsideration of self, other, and the #IntentionalAgreements or soulful essence of the relationship, the path to unity is easier to maintain. Attentiveness to the misperceptions, confusion, feelings of separation, or refinement of #values, may be resolved quicker through the use of compassionate #communication that honors both individuals.
When both individuals bring their authentic self to create connection, it is essential to find compromise and alignment that supports the integrity of both individuals and does not break down into reactive #judgments, #EmotionalManipulation, or struggles for power that negate win-win opportunities through effective #ProblemSolving. If agreement cannot be found that honors the #AuthenticSelf of both individuals then stalemate may conclude departure from previously agreed upon roles or expectations to co-create further with one another, at all. The hallmark ending of interdependent relationship beyond the initial grieving responses is distinguished through mutual gratitude and sense of elevation both individuals feel for the experiential memories co-created and expanded upon for fulfillment within their #exchange. It is never easy to let go of those we love and have felt greatly fulfilled by, yet the love and acknowledgment for each other honored perpetuates beyond the strife of #separation in life or death. This is the way of #humility through #grief and #integrity with #gratitude for the gifts we have shared.
Throughout the journey of building and refining connection, #codependency or strong #independence tend to be more common. As children, we are born into the experience of codependency with our mother and possibly with other parental figures or siblings. Forced independence at a young developmental stage can shift attitudes of expectation in future connections, depending on one's response to feelings of #abandonment and helplessness or #resilience and #resourcefulness. Likewise, the experience of #smothering, sheltering, and always getting what we want when we ask for or demand it without the opportunity to #compromise and take self-responsibility, will also create unproductive behaviors that affect relationship dynamics and outcomes. Many times, all of these experiences around #expectation are interwoven, enabling more or less productive coping mechanisms that dictate types of #attachment and #detachment behavior. Until acknowledged, reviewed, and harmonized through the experience of connection and one's self discovery, these behaviors can create #conflict with others and a lack of #fulfillment in #relationship.
Codependent relationships are primarily founded in a sacrifice of the authentic self, by one or both individuals. Conflicts and disagreements often end in win-lose resolution or emotional dominance and submission dynamics that parade the #illusion of #devotion through #martyrdom or #victimization. This devotion comes at a high cost and is often very fragile. Both individuals tend toward #dissatisfaction easily because the #desire to be acknowledged and honored for their authentic self is stronger deep within. This causes a perpetual struggle for #autonomy or a loss of self through consignment of personal will to another. The authentic self wants to be seen and heard. Its gravity beneath the surface will continue to push upward and create opportunities for an individual to discover, heal, and consciously unify with these essential pieces of their #identity. #CodependentRelationship patterns can be witnessed as opportunities to grow and learn more about what is calling for healing in the mind and heart. These experiential #narratives can unveil a path to writing a new story that challenges the application of one's newfound values and creative focus toward defining more fulfilling connection in personal relationships.
Some relationships are marked by mutual independence, where both individuals enjoy time together but are focused on self and their own path without needing to share #responsibility or weigh out choices with concern for how the other in relationship will be affected. These relationships are most often #friendships, but may also occur in #lover, #partner, or adult #family relationships. When mutual #independence is the framework of connection, the ease of disregard, removal, and dissolution of the bond can arise more quickly in moments of #disagreement. This approach to relationship creates opportunities to co-exist and appreciate others without the intensity and depth of #devotion or mutual #dedication to grow through the pressures that closer and more attentive #bonds bring. While there may be honest appreciation, respect, and fulfilling exchanges in a mutually independent relationship, the investment for #sustainability, the efforts for compassionate resolutions, and the discovery of #intimacy through sharing and revealing the authentic self are less likely to occur. Discovering a sense of independence, beyond codependence, in oneself with the intention for healthy #SelfReliance is another layer of maturation in the heart and mind on the path to creating #FulfillingConnection with self and others. Discovering one's capacity for self-reliance and appreciation for directing one's life experiences without the need for others to govern, placate, or provide these choices and opportunities is foundational to discerning what interdependent relationship may look and feel like, in alignment with one's authentic self.
Interdependent relationships are distinguished by their capacity to perpetuate #opportunities for #creating, #growing, #sharing, and #witnessing our loved ones heal throughout life into their truest self. Compassion, problem solving, acknowledging trade-offs in choices, and devotion with #HealthyBoundaries are all essential components of meeting another on #CommonGround. These components support intentions of #MutualDedication and attentiveness for unity in connection beyond conflicts and misunderstanding in the #perceptions of each other. The dance of interdependence includes practicing #discernment instead of #judgment, releasing the need to control an outcome for personal gain that negates win-win solutions that both individuals value, and resolving #PowerStruggles for autonomy through the awareness and refinement of intentional agreements. Intentional #agreements secure the heart and soul of relationship. They create a framework for the mind when #irrationality or over-rationalizing arise as a response to the circumstances of life. One's sense of #loyalty and #integrity with self and others will always influence the types of relationship they create and their ultimate outcomes. The logos of #interdependence is a seed planted deep in the soul. It is born into experience and thrives within every compulsion for connection. Seeking and honoring the authentic self forges the doorway that opens a path to mutually #empowering relationships with others that reflect the heart-centered #values of #SustainableBonds that are founded in the #blossoming logos of interdependence.
Embrace your inner child with love and curiosity. Listen deep to the balance of serving self and other. Choose power over no one but thyself and behold gratitude for the gifts exchanged. Expand awareness for the call of soul that speaks in the foundations of every relationship.
Excerpts from the Writings of Julie Hightman