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The Keys to Communication

In a diverse #society with many cultures and individual experiences that frame our language and behaviors from #childhood, successful #communication may feel challenging. Since every individual is a separate catalog of experiences and inherent emotional mapping, as well as the expression of numerous #probabilities in their genetic code and neural #development, finding #keys for successful, healthy communication is essential for a sustainable relationship with others and society, as a whole. #Learning ways to communicate that create higher outcomes for connection and less causes for disconnection benefits everyone. By putting the #effort into learning key methods to communicate, one increases the odds of getting their needs met, expressing their true self, #SharingPower in #relationships, and healing #wounds perceived when #disconnection feels imminent. The art of communication challenges everyone to be more mindful of how their #actions and #words align, as well as how these communications affect others in their delivery or withholding.

Keys to communication help an individual unlock the doors to greater thresholds of connection and intimacy. #Understanding the self and what one chooses to express is imperative to practice #intention and #accountability, which #cultivate clarity and #trust with self and #connection with others. The more impulsive an individual is, the less trustworthy they may be perceived. #Impulsivity does not lend itself to reliable emotional security and sets up the expectation for unpredictability. Developing #skills to slow down one’s response to an experience and/or communication from another, enables the assessment of what one wants and how to express those needs or requests. Likewise, those who overthink their response or choose not to respond at all must acknowledge that the lack of immediate response is perceived differently by others and is still a form of communication. Waiting too long to respond sets up the #expectation that there may never be one and begins the cycling of assumptions for self-resolution of an event or the cleaving of desire for any further communication. The timing expectation for a response may vary from individual to individual or incident to incident. It is always reasonable to communicate verbally what amount of time someone needs to respond, as well as the amount of time someone feels open to waiting for a response.

Relationships are built on #CommunicationStyles. The experience of #separation through a disconnect or conflict and the experience of #belonging through agreement and compassionate connection are ruled by breakdowns or successes in communication styles. Building a bridge to understand one another, especially at the beginning of a #relationship or when big challenges occur that may change the fabric of the bond, is the only way to nurture appreciation and #respect for the connection. Throughout life, communication styles or the capacity to communicate changes, depending on biases created from previous experiences, impactful events that initiate deep emotional overwhelm, and/or brain and bodily changes as an individual ages or faces major health crises. When communications seem off or different it is important to ask someone what is causing them if you value the relationship and their wellbeing. #Reacting aggressively, passive-aggressively, or avoiding them altogether are not expressions of care and respect for the other person or an expression of desire to create understanding. The former verbal and #behavioral reactions shut down the flow of connection and block the path to understanding. When these are consistently the immediate approaches used when an individual is feeling a disconnect or separation, the bond in relationship is wounded repeatedly over time, weakening connection, trust, and loyalty even if the moment seemed resolved and relationship continues. This is because #communication conditions others’ expectations of us.

When we seek understanding and use our words to deliver intentional invitations and requests, we expand the power of our own #EmotionalIntelligence. When we share power in a relationship by letting each person have a voice and listen intentionally with an open mind and heart to what they have to say, we expand the emotional intelligence and intimacy of the relationship. Ensuring one’s behaviors align with their words and intentions is how we further co-create #trust and #reliability that what we say is what we mean. If there is a dissymmetry in our behaviors after our stated truth or agreements, these will be noticed almost immediately, because humans are animals first. Animals are wired to watch and remember #behaviors more than words. This is why children notice and many times mimic their parent’s behaviors regardless of whether their parents are verbally honest with them. The old adage “Do as I say, not as I do” seldom works. #Words can have more power when an individual wants them to, such as when they want a fantasy and choose to override what they have witnessed in order to perpetuate their desires by negating their #instincts. The beauty of love, alone, is not enough to ensure understanding, trust, and reliability. The definitions of who we are, the relationships we seek to create, and our perceptions of love unfold in diverse ways. This is why #learning how to communicate most effectively is worth the effort, if one seeks fulfillment in #love and #connection with others. Words and behaviors must align if we want to be understood and respected. Words and behaviors are the pillars of the intentional #bridges we co-create with others that seek interdependent relationships, #intimacy, and trust.

The path of communication styles is a diverse network of similarities and differences but where they overlap supports the capacity for connection through learning and appreciating other individuals on their own journey to understanding and communicating with themselves as well as others. Some individuals are capable of communicating with a wide variety of personality types because of the #willingness to build a bridge and be a witness to others who meet life and relationship on very different terms. It is up to every individual to evaluate their own capacity and interest to connect with others that are different than them. Every individual has gifts to offer in connection and lessons to learn in communication. When #disconnection and #disagreement feel imminent, compassionate release can still be found. The skill of compassionate release requires intention, respect, and #humility. Words or gestures that show #appreciation, #accountability, and #acknowledgment offer healing release when they are able to be received. Sometimes, the #receptivity to these offerings takes years but that is irrelevant. As long as the intention for accountability, acknowledgment, and appreciation is honest, the one who has given it is free to heal on their own and other will heal in their own time, when and if they choose.

The keys to successful communication for connection are curiosity, transparency, respect, personal accountability, a willingness to understand when disconnection or conflict occurs, and compassion for what can or cannot be communicated or agreed upon. Words and behaviors must align to form a trustworthy foundation and #SelfReflection is necessary to assess this. Once we each acknowledge the gifts we bring into the world to share with others in this mutual learning experience, we can harness our own personal power and expand our ability to express that wisdom. It is a #choice of devotion to the #AuthenticSelf and the #wisdom one carries to share with others, every day, regardless of the #TradeOffs that come in the dance of relationship. No matter the connection or disconnection one feels to others at times, this personal power and wisdom should never be relinquished. It is meant to be expanded through the fine-tuning of our communication with self and the bridges of understanding we #CoCreate with others.

Center yourself at the threshold of your mind’s eye and open the door to your heart. Align and express yourself with authenticity and curiosity for the ways and wisdom of others. Choose humility and respect for the teachings of disconnection and fine-tune the language of mutual connection through compassionate communication.

Excerpts from the Writings of Julie Hightman

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