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Establishing Self-Authority




When we enter the world for the first time, we are helpless and fragile infants. We are fully dependent on our mother, father, or guardian to nourish and protect us until we can learn the skills to forage, defend, and survive on our own. This process of #development is multilayered and may be interrupted or impacted throughout that process. Developing the #instincts and the #skills for physical #survival is foundational to progressing in emotional and mental arenas that present different challenges for a greater sense of #fulfillment. In the human experience, these layers of development begin to enfold and intertwine with one another as conscious awareness of life circumstances and opportunities expand beyond the age of 3. By the age of 2 and 3, a child discovers the word “No”, but does not quite understand the use of it to establish #SelfAuthority. This age also begins to develop self-direction and more complex communication of demands for perceived #NeedsAndWants. The capacity for self-authority is defined throughout the journey of life circumstances and how an individual learns to respond to the #InnerVoice of self and the voices of others they share life with. Establishing true self-authority requires progressive degrees of #autonomy through self-reflection and sovereignty through intentional choices that are founded in self-knowing and personal #empowerment.


In order to establish progressive mastery in one’s self-authority the active #introspection and #curiosity for one’s thoughts, emotions, and #behaviors they inherently accept as their #identity must be applied. This active #witnessing shows the contradictions, #distortions, #discomfort, and poor #justifications that naturally occur in one’s interactions with self and non-self. It also reveals the #truth of desire, the urge to idealism, the focus of satisfaction through justification, and the uplifting sensation of synchronized #authenticity. Discerning and weighing the behaviors, thoughts, and emotions that are truly ours, requires the process of rooting out the source of these imprints in one’s childhood, family and friend group, partner alliance, or generational and societal overtones. Through this #discernment the compass for #SelfLove and honoring the value of one’s truth, whether different or parallel to these outer influences, aligns with the greatest path of development and expression of an individual’s #AuthenticSelf.


When an individual aligns with the #integrity of their true nature, deep beliefs, and aspirations, they unlock the doors of their own personal maze. They build an indestructible bridge to the center of self, the core of the will and of self-definition, the reservoir of #power through #acknowledgment and #wisdom through self-love and self-accountability. These are the skills that define a strong and temperate leader. Becoming a strong and temperate leader of one’s own life through the observation of thoughts, the honoring of emotions, and the governance of your expressed behaviors, expands the quality of opportunities to experience confidence, justice, and mutual fulfillment when giving and receiving with others and the pursuit of life endeavors.


The concept of “re-parenting” and “#adulting” have become buzz words in today’s psychological focus and general group interactions. These very personal #judgments and perceptions of one’s parents, peers, or self that are expressing trauma response behaviors due to #abuse, #neglect, #abandonment, and smothering, are now a growing societal conversation. Admitting or acknowledging one’s perceptions of #immaturity is becoming easier, yet the question remains for each individual of how to define “What is mature enough for them?” and “How do they shift their behaviors to be in alignment and loyalty to their clarified truth without resenting how they discovered that truth?”


Establishing #SelfAuthority is a singular relationship with one’s personal truth that supports how they navigate their own #choices in life. It is not about dominion or wielding #justice over anyone else’s truth, #behaviors, or choices. The point is to execute good #leadership for self and apply that to other positions of #authority one may be placed in or achieve in community and society without a double standard. This requires the adherence of #discernment for how to honor the integrity of self and others, instead of the arrogance and dismissal of dignity that judgment displays. When an individual holds onto strong judgments about others, they disregard that person’s creative #potential to honor their own self-authority and whatever circumstances, #imprints of #belief, and value of behaviors have served them in #surviving their life story up to that point. Mistakes, judgments, impulses, and strategic choices are a part of the human experience in the path of developing and refining conscious awareness as an individual and a collective. It is what an individual does with these attributes that affects the #power of self-authority. The deepest wisdom that fortifies the power of self-authority is that, “you are the only one you have power over”, when it comes to defining the #loyalties at the core of oneself. This includes what one can change in their own personal narrative, the choices to re-orient how energy is invested, and how one navigates the co-creation of life with others.


When one has children, the opportunity to teach and mimic good leadership skills in order to impart a strong foundation to build their child’s self-authority, #temperance, and #accountability, is the most profound offering a parent may give beyond the gift of life, itself. If an individual feels this was not given to them, it must be an active choice to learn how to do so, in order to impart it to their own #offspring. No matter when it occurs, the journey to establishing self-authority brings deep #healing and priceless wisdom to work with life and others in more graceful ways through the strength of authenticity. Even if an individual does not have children their #willingness to embark on this healing and clarifying journey to reach self-authority can be witnessed as an example to all others they come into contact, conflict, and relationship with. These interactions have #RippleEffects in the collective as we each feel the influence and observe the creative power of #identity in others.


When we acknowledge that our inner child will always be a part of us and embrace the curiosity and open-heartedness that young children remind us of, as well as nourish the parts of that inner child to become sovereign in alignment with the spirit of their true nature, we are freeing that child within to walk their own path with the permission to discover something new. This “new something” is how #consciousness in the human experience expands its capacity and exhibits the higher degrees of #maturity we vaguely define as “becoming an adult.” Defining the adult within and choosing to continually meet more and more of oneself is how we co-create more fulfilling outcomes. It is how one restores joy in the connection between our #ChildSelf and #AdultSelf when life experiences separate or diffuse the power of this inner #relationship.


Turn and face your inner child. Embrace the longings and the pain. Acknowledge the connection between your younger and elder self. Heal through establishing self-authority and loyalty to the integrity of who you have always believed you are at the center of the maze. Walk back to your true nature in times of conflict to re-assess the map before leading yourself onward. Hold sacred the co-creative power we each carry to define our own destiny, alone or together, generation by generation.



Excerpts from the Writings of Julie Hightman

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