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Accountability is More than an Apology

Accountability is more than an apology. It is an #HonestCommunication that shows reflection, consideration, and #discernment of one’s actions that cause conflict. #Accountability does not always require apology. If acknowledging one’s choices, statements, and actions leads to understanding oneself better, how to improve, or how to resolve some perceived #injustice, #resolution can be met. Through accountability one can perpetuate #agreements with self and connections with others that serve more fulfilling outcomes in the journey of the personal narrative we create.

Since childhood, we have been taught to #apologize as a sign of #acknowledgment and #respect that we did something wrong. Sometimes those lessons came without explanation by the accuser or offended. Other times, the demand to elaborate and clarify what one did inaccurately or offensively was required for satisfying and #ResolvingConflict. How often was the opportunity to problem solve or a distinguished plan of better action offered by the offender? How often did you make the effort to conclude and share your own discernment for how not to repeat perceived mistakes?

Apologies can be meaningful and #apologies can just be hollow lip service. Apologies can be a way to deflect an issue or be used to feel accepted and continually valued in some way. #Forgiveness can be fickle and #resentment may still lurk beneath the surface if full accountability is not considered or offered. Likewise, opportunities to apply creative solutions to change behaviors, in order to resolve repetitive conflict, is necessary to build trust and support stated expectations that are agreed upon. There are many times words and actions are not in alignment. This is natural in the learning phase if an individual seeks growth. #Compassion for the process and objective discernment are essential in assessing one’s capacity to be accountable and align their intentions with evident behaviors over time. This means it is important to recognize when some individuals are unable to track their own behaviors due to lack of development in self-awareness. #CompassionateCommunication is a helpful tool to utilize when navigating experiences with them that feel redundant or frustrating. If #progress is fleeting, one must decide to accept the individual as they are or distance themselves from the connection beyond the direct effects of their behaviors.

The applications of understanding and stated #intentions to act differently are the evidence that accountability is being preserved or created anew. An individual’s #behaviors, whether intentional or impulsive, are the leading communication to self and others for the #value placed on meaningful #exchange. Words are powerful and carry the nuances of emotion that present for persuasion, inspiration, and comfort, as well as disregard, disapproval, or rejection. “Actions speak louder than words” is an age-old saying because in our minds and our hearts we are drawn to believe what we are hearing more than what we are seeing. This creates #disillusionment and #dissatisfaction that leads to #divisiveness in one’s perceptions of themselves or others. When it is more ephemeral, as “words on the wind”, the bastions of #hope and #doubt lead the #convictions of perception. When ephemeral words become rooted as #embodied behaviors, the holistic messaging of words and behaviors dissolves the persistence of hope and doubt. A clear pattern of #expectation, whether new or pre-existing, then has a #foundation to build upon for experiential #awareness and #fulfillment within self and in relationship with others.

It is common in #relationships with others and the relationship with oneself, “ to brush things under the rug” for the sake of being ok or happy in the moment. This deferral response is a defense mechanism designed to keep one from feeling the #conflict of #guilt, resentment, #regret, or other informative #emotions. While #DefenseMechanisms can be helpful to keep an individual focused on what matters most, letting them become a repetitive way to defer conflict and the deeper meaning of those provocative stimuli negates #connection to the authentic self and the integrity of relationship with other. Choosing to acknowledge the source of these provocations and defense mechanisms brings an individual closer to #accountability, to what is of value, and what may be calling for healing in self or the soul of relationship with other. #ChoosingAccountability over deferral is a #NobleAct that can diffuse and equalize #PowerStruggles within self and in relationship. By doing so, an individual acknowledges personal #behaviors and traits they choose to stand by in the #wisdom of #HonoringSelf and when applicable, a path to refining them for better outcomes.

The perceptions of #RightAndWrong, honoring one’s #PersonalTruth, and emotional experience will always be subjective to the individual. They will also be relative to the context of a situation and #agreements made with self or others. We are all fine-tuning a #compass within to meet the invitations of our most #AuthenticSelf. Accountability with the agreements we make with ourselves and those we make with others is essential to strengthen the embodied potency of our most authentic self. #HonorableTransparency with one’s sorted and concluded thoughts or stated confusion with mixed emotions is equally important when accepting accountability for one’s role in any circumstance. #BeyondAcceptance, comes the opportunity for #healing and problem solving, alone or with others. Sharing creative solutions with others that may be involved in current circumstances with intentional #offering or invitation supports #MutualResolve and #appreciation for how to honor an agreement or modify it, in order to #MoveForward.

Accountability is the cultivation of honoring one’s truth and perceived role in all situations, including the way an individual chooses to acknowledge their abilities to act or not act, to react, or to respond to an experience or another person in shared experiences. #Accountability is not only applicable to #conflicts, #apologies, and #ProblemSolving. It is in direct relationship to the acknowledgment of one’s #choices, #actions, and affected #outcomes in celebratory contexts and positive circumstances, as well. The difference between #acknowledgment and accountability is that acknowledgment is passive and reflective, while accountability is active and productive. Acknowledgment provides a path for accountability to be applied. Both bring healing to the soul and to relationship with others. They are each required to weave a deeper sense of knowing, trust, and #intimacy with the authentic self and in connection with others.

Radical self-acceptance is not the same as radical accountability. The difference between #acceptance and accountability is the #investment in one’s choices, how they affect outcomes, and the impetus to deepen #responsibility for personal #patterns that an individual perceives, either as justifiable or in need of #justification. This process upholds #integrity with self and others. #SelfAcceptance does not require #awareness of how an individual #affects outcomes, nor does it require further motivation to justify patterns of behavior and the health of one’s choices. The capacity for accountability is an essential attribute for assessment of an individual’s integrity with themselves and others.

~Open your heart and mind to tune the compass within. Seek honorable transparency when weighing and choosing the value of acceptance and accountability to grow beyond what you know of yourself. Embody intention to manifest behaviors that align with the integrity of your authentic self and experience the definition of wholeness.~

Excerpts from the Writings of Julie Hightman


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